ThE_PhOEniX_sOuL

Be fearless in pursuit of what sets your soul on fire

Monday, July 15, 2019

A Healthy Relationship

A Healthy Relationship

It is very strange and ironical as well as how almost everyone wants to be in a strong relationship and is ready to be into the one in no time. Some of them just want a tag to be into relationships, while there are others who truly invest a lot to make it happen and flourishing.  

 They are basically many categories of relationships- deep, platonic, superfluous, namesake, etc etc. But this post has nothing to do with the type of relationships rather what according to me, a healthy relationship actually means. Here, it is not only just about the relationship a man and a women shares but about every relationship humans dwell into.

As we all know pure and unconditional love is what makes any relationship strong but there are yet many things which aid in building the stronger bond. Hence, below are certain signs of a positive and healthy (any) relationship.

  • TRUST: This is so needless to mention how much significant trust is in any relationship. It is an absolute backbone of any deep bond. 

  • COMMUNICATION: Being able to communicate freely in a relationship is its true essence. It can overcome any sort of conflict, disagreement, argument or mere difference of opinions at a base level which may result in the death of a bond in the long run if people involved don't communicate properly.

  • TAKE RESPONSIBILITY: One should always take responsibility for his/her actions rather putting blames on each other or circumstances whatsoever.

  • EMPATHY: No matter how practical or logical you may be, empathy is a must in a relationship. It is a sign of strength and not weakness.

  • RESPECT: Again it is something really non-negotiable. It is the life of any relationship. Every healthy relationship stands on mutual respect.

  • BOUNDARIES: Setting and maintaining boundaries or having personal space for one own self is very important in one's growth and people should have mutual consideration and respect for that.

  • EFFORT: People say that in a relationship everything should be smooth and one should just go with the flow but no, practically, there are ups and downs in every relation and in those times one should make every possible effort to bring back the spark and life of relation.

  • GRATEFULNESS: You should always acknowledge and be grateful to the other person's effort and make him/her feel special and loved.

  • SELF-LOVE: As I always speak about it, loving and respecting one own self is equally important as doing it to the other person involved. It is a must-have attribute for anyone whether in a relationship or not. Always take out time for yourself.

  • DON'T TURN A BLIND EYE: It is very essential to have an unconditional love but don't ever be blind enough to take everything as it comes from the other side. Be upfront about things that bother you.

  • RESOLVE AND RELIEVE: Resolve the issues whenever required. It is always better to dissolve conflicts and relieve yourself with unnecessary emotional baggage. Never hold grudges for each other.

  • UNDERSTANDING: Understanding each other's needs and priorities are of utmost significance in any relation. It grants long-lasting relationships.

  • FIGHTS AND ARGUMENTS: This may sound obnoxious to many but I think that fights and arguments bring betterment to any relationship as it widens the horizon of any relation and makes people realize what went wrong and where. It also aids in improvisations as and when required. But it majorly depends on the individual's perspective as well because if a person is adamant or stubborn in his/her approach it may lead to worse consequences too.

  • REALISTIC EXPECTATIONS: Have realistic expectations for both people involved and of relationship per se. Stop faking perfection and idolizing it to an unachievable extent.

  • NO COMPARISONS: Each relation and every individual is unique. Comparisons only bring frustrations and peaceless lives which you are only responsible for. So stop comparisons with others and work out your own salvation.

  • NO OBLIGATIONS: There should be no compulsion or obligations to stay together always. It is just that whenever you are with each other just enjoy each others company to the core and cherish it throughout.

  • FRIENDS BEFORE COUPLE: For romantic relationships, be it a love bond or even marriage for that matter, both individuals should share a friendship bond first. Relationships with pure friendship as its foundation are everlasting.

  • NON-JUDGEMENTAL: But obvious, any relationship in which individuals judge each other for the way they are, bound to create hardships and struggles in the smooth progression of the bond.

  • MAKE DECISIONS TOGETHER: A healthy relationship always resides in a bond where both the persons involved have an equal say in it. At times, it may demand one to compromise on certain aspects while other times another has to lay back but it doesn't make anyone lesser than the other. A decision that comes out should be the amalgamation of both's opinions and agreements.

  • INTIMACY: Of course one of the most important factors of a healthy relationship. Often people relate intimacy with only physical and sexual compatibility and bond but it is far more beyond and above this. Both individuals should definitely have mental intimacy and compatibility as well because that's what maintains the chords in tune with each other in the long run.

  • MAKE EACH OTHER BETTER: Surely a sign of a healthy relationship is when both the persons uplift each other and support immensely both personally and professionally. Encouraging and motivating the other to fulfil his/her dreams and always be by each other's side no matter what. 

  • HONESTY: It is one of the most important pillars of any relationship. This is what connects the two souls together forever. 


 So guys, don't be in a relationship just for the sake of it be in a HEALTHY RELATIONSHIP for,

 "Good relationships don't just happen. They take time, patience, and two people who truly want to be together."

 You may also refer:
https://www.thehailphoenix.com/2019/02/love-overly-misused-term-with.html
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Monday, July 8, 2019

Kabir Singh - Not a Movie Review

Kabir Singh - Not a Movie Review

'Kabir Singh' (2019) - The Hindi remake of Sandeep Reddy Vanga's Telugu Film - 'Arjun Reddy' (2017). 
Well, it's been quite a lot time since the release of this movie to give you guys any 'spoiler alerts' nor it is a movie critique in any way. 
But what I am constantly observing on TV and social media is something that urged me to write about it.

Despite 'Kabir Singh' crossing Rs. 200 Crore plus smashingly, there is still a massive group of people criticising the film. While there is no denying the fact how brilliant and impeccable Shahid Kapoor acted which brought him many accolades and appreciations above and beyond, there is a huge section of our society having a problem with unapologetic toxic masculinity and misogynistic trait portrayed by the protagonist in the name of intensely passionate love.

This came like a storm to all our 'pseudofeminists' who have slammed the film for glorifying a character like Kabir Singh who finds it justified and right on his part to have slapped her lady love, kissed her without her consent, self-tutoring her outside the class, and so on.

First of all, I vehemently oppose any kind of abuse and violence in any sort of relationship or strata of society and strongly condemn its prevalence as well. But if I constrain myself inside the boundaries of this film per se, this kind of criticism is too bizarre!

I feel people who have been slamming it or against the character specifically, haven't been into passionate love as in true love, for both the people involved whether a guy or a girl, there is no restriction. Yes, of course, people have their views on it but the approach is different. They like to have it as cliche with Etiquettes, courtesy, gentlemanship, sobriety, etc etc. But no two individuals are the same nor imbibing above traits into one's lifestyle bars oneself to limit one's expression of love to the person involved. Complete surrender to another person with the full freedom of expression is the highest form of love where the person even doesn't care of his own self and that is what been portrayed in the movie. Thus for me, the character is much deeper than what it is being perceived.

Now if I talk about the film,
"there was a scene outside the railway station where Priti (the lead actress) had to leave 2 days earlier than Kabir (the protagonist), she wanted to stay and on her compelling to him for the same, Kabir shouted at her and as a reflex, she slapped him." 

What would our pseudofeminists have to say on that? 
(I heard people sitting there in the theatre laughing on that too). 

Nothing because it was done by a woman and not a man.

Kabir, in turn, handled it calmly and smiled at it rather being violent because that was love. The authority and the right with which she slapped him was nothing but out of the love they shared. If deeply connected people in love are not free to express themselves in a love bond then I don't see anything left in the relation anymore.

And the last scene "where Priti expressed her anger and piled up emotions by constantly slapping Kabir as to vent the accumulations of past 9 months". 
Had this scene been other way around, these pseudo feminists would have banned this movie claiming it to be inappropriate for our society.

A woman in love is free to express herself in whichever way she feels and wants to do but a man in love is questioned. WHY?


The criticism doesn't end here, the film critics even compared Shahid Kapoor's character of 'Kabir Singh' with Shah Rukh Khan's character of 'Rahul Mehra' in the movie 'Darr'. Absolutely no resemblance. While Rahul was the one-sided psycho lover who obsessively stalks his love interest who was already married to some other guy, Kabir and Priti, on the other hand, shared an intense love bond who happen to manage their years of long-distance relationship so well.

If Kabir was passionate enough to ruin himself in the grief of separation from Priti; if he could handle her aggression and slaps yet not utter a single word then his aggression, impatience and restlessness can also be understandable on his part. In no way, the abusive language or physical assault be supported but people need to perceive the character it was meant to be. It is not at all wise to always bring so-called pseudo feminism into play just to gather eyes.

After all, Priti equally reciprocated him with everything he did. Not even a single time in a movie, she seemed reluctant or unaccepting of what he did. He didn't force anything on her, she was too engrossed and involved in the wooing period and felt exhilarating in her new college life love.

If Kabir was a rebel, it was certainly due to a cause. He protected her from everything that is considered casual in college life, be it ragging or eve-teasing. He didn't let her fail in her exams so as to paint the town red and romance. But it went unnoticed by these critics. Look at the bigger picture and so stop making a mountain out of a molehill.

Well, guys, this was what I felt. My opinions may or may not gel well with yours. So everyone is free to comment as you feel.

XOXO
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Tuesday, June 25, 2019

Just Little Things..........

Just Little Things..........

  • People continue considering themselves smart enough by portraying a concocted story or a facade to me and I just listen and observe as to what level they would stoop down next to.

  • Sometimes it is damn crazy to make others believe that I am getting manipulated by them when I am actually not. That feeling though is unparalleled.

  • As there is always a second option to every situation, according to me, so even if things are not tuning in to your frequency, change the plan but not your aim as there are yet many roads converging down to the same destination. So take the necessary turn and follow a different route to your success.

  • In today's world, when there is no honesty left in people's hearts how can you expect loyalty in their relationships.

  • It is always better and wise to get apart from people who always find faults in you. You ought not to waste your energy and time proving your credibilities to those who are incredibly self-obsessed.

  • Waiting and having the patience for something to be achieved is way better than getting stuck with the wrong choice throughout your life. So it is always wise to stay with your perseverance and don't be in a hurry for anything.

  • There is the slightest difference between 'things you get' and 'things you achieve'. And only a self-made person knows this difference and live by it to the core.

  • Just as you hate it to be judged by anyone, don't even spare yourself with the same when you do it with others.

  • Good health is a result of good mind and good mind resides in a peaceful heart and soul. So do whatever it takes to fetch yourself peace of mind. Sometimes it is better to be a bit selfish than being ill or sick. So invest a lot in whatever gives you love, laughter and life.

  • Stop bothering about the rumours or even something concrete being said against you. As long as you are ethically and consciously sound, You don't owe any explanation to anyone out there. Remember that rumours are created by ones who are jealous of you, carried by haters, spread by fools and accepted by idiots.

  • As it is so tiring and troublesome to carry so much luggage while travelling, similarly, in the journey of life, try to get rid off as much baggage of hatred, rage, resentments, guilt, regrets, and all negativities so as to enjoy this journey and live smoothly and stress-free.  

  • You may forget who did wrong to you but should never forget who did good as in today's world, you would be damn lucky if people around you are doing good for you. So always be grateful to such people and cherish their presence in your life.

  • Believe in forgiving people for your own peace of mind. But never give them a chance to think for a second that you are being easily made fool of. If their actions don't justify their apology, make them taste their own medicine. Since I believe that it is very polluting and degrading oneself to keep grudges, so it is always good to follow tit for tat for those who don't deserve your kindness. Never allow anyone to make a mockery out of your loyalty, honesty, love, credibility and most important of all your integrity.

  • Love freely and unconditionally but always set and maintain boundaries as every relationship, according to me, has some sort of distance which we term as 'private space'. One should always protect and nurture the same where one can grow, expand, and improve for better today and tomorrow.

  • Optimism does help guys. So be positive not only for yourself but also for people around you so that even they can be alleviated out of pessimism and scepticism.

  • There is only God who should be the sole witness for your kindness to people around you as for people, they would never appreciate or get satisfied even if you get ripped apart in order to prove them so just don't bother even.

  • There is a cure for 'wounds on the tongue' but it is not the same for 'wounds from the tongue'. So use it judiciously and wisely.

  • Never underestimate small things in your life as these have the potential to bring the biggest storm in life. So vent it out as and when required and don't let things to pile on or get accumulated. 

XOXO.
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Thursday, June 20, 2019

CODEPENDENCY ISSUES

CODEPENDENCY ISSUES

Have you ever noticed how birds feed their squeaky, innocent and cute looking chicks through their beaks and make every possible effort to protect and nurture them? Make them understand the significance of the wings and the importance of flying in one's life. While teaching the nestling how to fly and be able to fight their own battles, the mother bird never expects it to be dependent on her and soon turn it to a fledging which is now ready to take flight. And after that, it never comes back and hereby the cycle of codependency breaks between the chick and its mother bird.

 But what about we homo sapiens, we always try to make the cycle of healthy codependency and make sure that it continues till eternity. But if it turns out to an unhealthy one then this tendency soon gets matured along the journey and takes the shape of insecurities, low self-esteem, poor self-confidence and indecisiveness where the person unconsciously start seeking approvals, validations, love and conformity to their actions. 

 Such a nestling that would be entrapped in the codependency to its mother would never be able to turn to a fledging and start flying.
Similarly, as humans, if we continue being codependents, we would defy and hinder the progress which is supposed to be our aim of life.

 Codependency should never be considered synonymous to love, affection and attachment. It is a trait you acquire as you grow, where your prime focus is to give love, attention, respect and concern to others while underestimating and undervaluing your own selves and that too very undemandingly. And the result is that such people are misunderstood as clingy, emotionally weak and needy.

WHAT CAUSES CODEPENDENCY?


Well, according to me, the main factor that causes codependency is the way the person is brought up and the environment he/she has been into or a part of. Both, the negligence as well as the overpampering for the child is a stepping stone towards making him a codependent. Let me tell you how!

- THE NEGLIGENCE: If a child has been into such an environment in his growing years where he has been neglected by his parents, intentionally or unintentionally or perceived, and he had to constantly seek their approvals and love, then this eventually becomes the trait of the child to continue being like this with people around him even when he grows up.

- THE OVERPAMPERING: If a child is overpampered during his childhood then either the person becomes too stubborn and adamant or he becomes a codependent because then he would want the same treatment from the people around him as he used to get from his parents in the childhood. And for this, he consequently becomes a codependent who seeks love and conformity from others so as to feel loved and wanted.

In either case, the child acquires the sense of insecurities and shaken self-confidence when he grows up and faces the outer world beyond his family. And then he makes codependency a tool for his existence and sustenance.

If a codependent doesn't fall into either of above-mentioned category, then probably he fits into a lot of people-pleasers or manipulators who portray himself to be a codependent but actually it is just a facade to get his work done slyly.


HOW TO OVERCOME CODEPENDENCY ISSUES?


  • Understand your needs and desires first and let your fears and anxieties be pushed away beyond your limitations. This is how you can be perseverant in getting rid of codependency.

  • Be with a company of people who don't need your codependency for them to be able to uplift and encourage you.

  • If in doubt, share your feelings and experiences with people who have succeeded in breaking the cycle of codependency and get inspired to learn from their methods.

  • It may seem to be a very difficult, demanding and daunting task which would perhaps render you with guilt, shame, anxiety, fear of isolation, aggression, self-doubt but you have to be determined enough to quit this codependency as soon as possible to be able to progress in life.

  • You may face criticism or condemnation but you should alone be able to self-soothe yourself. So don't give up.

  • Soon you would be able to sift the wheat from the chaff i.e. you would now be able to recognize who is real and wants to stay in your life (don't let them leave) and who would abandon you as you break the cycle of codependency (let them go).

  • You may have to encounter apparent loss of your so-called friendships and relationships but don't lose your confidence. You would realise how slowly and steadily you would get adapted and acclimatised to altered situations.

  • You would acquire healthy personal and emotional abilities as you realize that a true relationship is mutual and not one-sided.

You would definitely notice the difference in adopting such measures into your life, not only for your progress in life but becoming a better person altogether. You would start believing in mutual growth of two persons involved in a relationship while taking care of your own needs and feelings as well.

And finally, you would break the barriers of codependency issues and nurture mutual love, respect, care and growth and strengthen the bonds of interdependence over codependence.
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Thursday, June 6, 2019

Significance of CONFRONTATIONS

Significance of CONFRONTATIONS

There are many times in our life when we have so many things to say, to share, to let another person know about it and so on. But we choose to stay numb about it and wouldn't confront it out of fear of hurting the latter, being misunderstood by others or perhaps losing ones we care about in worst scenario. Whatever might be the reason but it is a bitter truth of our lives that we do fear to some extent in making CONFRONTATIONS.  

 As we prefer in being quiet about things and don't confront, the outcome is a state of mind where we feel irritated, frustrated, guilty, emotionally fragile and tonnes of emotions get stripped apart in our minds pertaining to the false assumptions in regard to another person's reaction to our confrontation.

 You not only fear in verbally communicating what is going inside you but also bar yourself in confronting what you actually feel about the situation or the person for that matter. Usually, get anxious or nervous and stressed out whenever you have to confide or confront anything. You don't want people to think ill of you or hurt anyone. You choose not to confront so that you shouldn't be labelled as someone who is too pushy. By this way, you kind of continue being submissive, introvert and one who conceals his feelings from others.

 Often times it also happens that person whom you want to confront things to might be waiting for you to make the first move so then he gets that ground to start with his side of confrontations for which perhaps he was hesitant too. In such a case, it becomes a complicated relationship where there are layers of accumulated emotions striving to vent out but no release whatsoever.

WHAT EXACTLY CAUSES LACK OF CONFRONTATION ??


  • It generally happens when a person had a past experience where he might have tried confronting and the outcome would have been unpleasant or disagreeable. Things would have blown out of proportion or might turn out to be a mud-slinging.

  • It is also not so uncommon where the person had encountered situations in his life or childhood environment when somebody else's confrontations made things worse and turned out to a conflict amongst family members. So this person now chooses to be rather quiet about things in order to be in his illusory peace.

  • It is generally borne out of lower self-esteem and poor self-confidence which inculcates the fear of being alone or abandoned by others on making confrontations. Such a person never wants any sort of disagreement or disappointment from others.

  • This person is altogether unaware of the importance of confrontations which generally give rise to healthy discussions. He feels that confronting things to others would only fetch him with arguments, clashes and fights.

  • You don't care about yourself and keep others over what you feel and desire. This attitude is either a result of selflessness (which is too rare nowadays) or you are amongst the lot of people-pleasers.

IT GENERALLY RESULTS IN:


  • When you choose not to confront, you are just harming yourself as you are suppressing what you naturally feel and eventually become a person who carries an abundance of confusions, chaos, commotions and resentments.

  • Suppressing your natural self over a period of time would ultimately manifest as other worst faces of aggression, irritability, anxiety, frustrations, poorer self-confidence, marred self-esteem and in worst cases depression.

  • Your self-doubts increase and you become all the more sluggish to confront things which consequently hamper your personality and self-growth.

  • You might choose not to confront in order to not make others upset but in reality, such a person is unattractive and considered weak by others as latter find him subservient.

HOW TO RISE ABOVE THE FEAR OF CONFRONTATION ??


  • As I always say and practice is the Self-Love. Take care of yourself by venting out things that bother you and confront those who are concerned with it. Be upfront, confident and extrovert. Feel good about you and the way you are. Confront fearlessly.

  • Explicit confrontations not only de-pressurises you but also helps in knowing the true self of the person involved as one with pure intent, the maturity of mind and having a true bond with you would always understand and support you. You don't have to be articulated to do confrontations. You just have to be assertive and don't sound rude or harsh.

  • Be courageous in taking a stand for yourself as a person who has the gumption to sift just from unjust is always respected by others no matter whether others show it or not.

  • Even though it might sometimes appear arrogance and "I don't care" attitude to others but a person who strongly puts forth his point is always considered attractive and bold.

  • It does create good vibes and healthy energy by being free of assumptions, grudges, resentments and suffocation by means of healthy confrontations. It is thus one of the basic foundations of the strong relationship of any kind.

  • It not only builds a happy and healthy relationship but also helps in becoming an improved version of oneself.

  • Whatever would be the reaction of the other person to your confrontation, trust me, you would feel so alluring and elevated at the end of the day as you have confronted something which at the beginning seemed difficult and daunting task to execute.

 Remember, confrontations hold a very strong significance in your lives for any sort of relationship and it does have a much positive impact as well. It leads to a breakthrough in any true and pure bond. It not only transforms the relationship by making it all the more stronger and better but also you as a person. It makes you feel contended and succeeded as you did it by confronting how and what you have felt for the things or for the person in general. You eventually feel strong and happy.

 So guys just don't wait for situations or people around you to be the way you wanted them to be for making healthy confrontations. Just go ahead and do it for nothing but your peace of mind.

 GOOD LUCK !!
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Tuesday, May 21, 2019

SELF LOVE - ABC of the love with one's self.

SELF LOVE - ABC of the love with one's self.

"Loving oneself isn't vanity. It's sanity."
                                                                  - Andre Gide.

 All you wonderful people out there reading this post have definitely time and again read and heard about the term 'SELF-LOVE'. 
Many of you are already in the path of practising it while a lot of you still wonders what if it appears to others as a gesture of self-obsession?

 Well, self-love is way more different than self-obsession as a person with self-love has an immense love and respect for oneself the way there are and will become in coming times. Such a person's love for himself is irrespective of what others think and it is a much deeper connection to oneself wheres self-obsession is superfluous and concerned to the outward appearance of oneself and is much to do with the person's image in the eyes of others. Self-love can never harm others intentionally in a process but self-obsession has an intent of selfishness which could be dangerous to others at some time.
Below is an ABC of what I call THE SELF-LOVE.

  • Accept the fact that no one is perfect, so ain't you and hence love the way you are without trying to be harsh on yourself in a process of achieving perfection.

  • Be upfront and outspoken for things you believe in. Be courageous enough to speak the truth without worrying about your image in others' eyes.

  • Compliment yourself often with every bit of trait you behold within you, whether good, bad, sexy, ugly etc, etc. so that you don't feel a need for others to do so.

  • Do whatever you feel like provided it should fit into ethical and right domains. Do not fear to be different and out of the box.

  • Engage yourself in physical exercises, yoga, or any other recreational activities not to achieve a sleek and slender body but to attain a healthy being.

  • Find the place where you feel happy, comfortable and at best with your own self. A place where you are not stressed out and is at peace with yourself as well as your surroundings.

  • Get a life for yourself by coming out of the shadows of your dark past, learning from it, enjoy every bit of your present and welcome the future with open arms full of fortunes and prosperity.

  • Have a spiritual outlook towards different aspects of life as well. Meditate and try to keep yourself calm at times when needed.

  • Initiate the magic of forgiveness in your lives. It is not for others who hurt you but is a tool for happiness for your self.

  • Just stop judging yourself for the things you do, the way you feel, the way you look or the way in which you handle your life. Being judgemental for yourself is as bad as for others.

  • Keep the desire to learn and grow alive in your self. Remember you are never that wise to not learn new things in life and never that old to defy growth.

  • Listen to your guts and believe the power of intuition. Trust me it always helps in the required times.

  • Maintain boundaries in your life. It is very important for you to set and maintain these as it is observed that people who follow these prevent being taken granted or disrespected by others.

  • Never compare your self with others. Everyone has his own life path and experiences. When God himself created different beings, how can two people share the same sort of success, failure, joys, grief, gains, losses, etc?

  • Optimize your strengths, work on them and make them the basis of leading an optimistic life.

  • Pamper yourself whenever you feel taken aback or stressed out. Go for movies, shopping, spa or opt for any other ways to rejuvenate your inner self.

  • Quintessential style, grace, class and elegance should be the way you feel yourself and hence carry yourself with. And it not always has to do with the monetary aspect. It is the way you see yourself in your eyes.

  • Responsibility of your happiness is utterly in your hand. Start taking it for your own good and stop relying on others for the same.

  • Start spending time alone with your self. You will surely begin to love yourself the moment you find your company the best to hang out with. It is not only great for self-love but also makes you assess and evaluate your self and improvise where is required.

  • Try to 'let go' things which are involuntary and not in our hands. Some things are better to be forgotten or left onto time than to scratch your heads over these.

  • Understand what your heart wants. Practice the art of self- awareness, only then you would start loving your self. It is irrelevant and almost impractical to try attaining self-love without self-awareness and self-realisation.

  • Virtuously lead your life and learn to figure out what are the different things you should include in your life which would work best for you and fetch you good results in the long run.

  • Work towards your goals passionately and with all your efforts as hard work with sincerity never goes in vain.

  • Xenial attitude towards one's body. Always feel confident in your skin. Also, work hard to achieve the kind of body you expect from yourself but never demean or disgrace it just because you are not a zero figure chic.

  • Yearning for always be righteous and correct is really being hypothetical. It is okay to commit mistakes. Learn from it and move on.

  • Zero down the negativity both inside as well as outside of yourself. Surround yourself with a good community of people who not only bring positivity but also encourage you to be a better person.
Self-love is not a magic that happens overnight, it is an art which needs constant practice. And it can only be achieved when you try to incorporate the above-said in your life a bit by bit and a day by day. Try to focus on your life and know your worth as Self-worth is penultimate to self-love.
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Wednesday, May 15, 2019

Take CHARGE of Your MIND

Take CHARGE of Your MIND

"The ability to observe without evaluating is the highest form of intelligence."
                       - J.Krishnamurti

 Accept it or not but we all, to a certain extent, have the fear of being judged by others. And this fear, in most of the cases, is directly proportional to our ages. This means that as we grow and lead our lives, the fear of being judged grows with us too.

 Let me elaborate with an interesting example.
When a baby is born, he fears nothing. And that is why we need to constantly give attention to what he is up to and to where is he crawling. This is because he doesn't know what fear is. Hence, babies are the most carefree, cheerful, fun-loving and peaceful souls. This is, therefore, the main reason why we look at them in envy and say, "Childhood is the Best" as it is free from any kind of fear and above all the fear of being judged by others.

 Remember fear, along with many other traits, is something which we acquire as we grow. And so does this fear of being judged, is the acquired one as well borne out of our insecurities, vulnerabilities, rejections, unpleasant experiences, societal pressures, so on and so forth.

 We always want and cherish the 4A's i.e. Attention, Acknowledgement, Acceptance, and Appreciation from people around us. We just strive to execute perfect things at the perfect place at the perfect time so that we achieve what is above said.
But have you ever given a thought by Whom?
These are the same people who judge you. Who feels sufficed on you being judged wrongly every time so that they could feel superior. These are the people who never miss a chance to demean you or let you down so that they can get an upper hand on the situations. No matter how hard you tried to be good to them or made them happy, they continue to be judging you for every worst possible reason.

 Generally, it is observed that whenever someone judges you, you take it on yourselves and consequently dive into a situation where you feel a constant sense of shame and guilt especially when it comes from people you considered your near and dear ones. You start figuring out what went wrong and ways to redeem yourselves.

 This is the time when you should take charge of your mind and understand that there are many relationships or acquaintanceship which are surface-levelled i.e. you cannot make deep connections with everyone. In such a scenario, if anybody is making any sort of judgement about you, holds no significance as they are unaware of your inner self, vulnerabilities and the type of person you are. Thus, any judgement from such people should not bother you at all.

 And if it is coming from a person close to you who is familiar with your true self and probably knows you in a better way, then it is a blessing in disguise for you to use that opportunity and improve yourself where it is needed. Here too, you need to know the cause and outcome of the existing behaviour of yours which led your close ones to point out you for and pass their judgement.

 Many times people judge you with the purpose of criticism which gives them ultimate pleasure. Recognizing such people in your lives is very important as you would never wish to get the 4 A's by such people. You ought not to feel bad on them demeaning you rather, have pity on such a mindset where the only way they derive contentment and happiness is by sadistic nature of disgracing you.

 Remember people's behaviour and actions are inward perceptions of who they actually are and how they see the world they live in. It is solely an insight into how they structure and shape their way of living. Hence, nothing is meant to be given consideration when such people pass judgement on you as it is baseless, non-factual and reflection of their personalities.

 Know your self-worth and remember as long as you are ethically good, unbiased, practical and true to your body of work and to people around you, fear of being judged should not stop you achieving your goals and the type of life you have always dreamt of.

 Also, it holds vice-versa for you as well. Many a time, you pass judgements on others just by default or in a casual approach. You don't realise in which conditions another person has taken the respective decision. You shouldn't be in a hurry to be conclusive of situations you weren't part of and throw your judgements as well.
As I have observed people are always willing to share their true self only to those who try to understand them by being purely non-judgemental. So be the one for:

 "Judgements prevent us from seeing the good that lies beyond appearances."
                        - Dyer



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