Be fearless in pursuit of what sets your soul on fire

Friday, May 3, 2019


"Manipulation, fuelled with good intent, can be a blessing. But when used wickedly, it is the beginning of a magician's karmic calamity."
                  _T.F. Hodge

Manipulation can be seen both ways i.e. good or bad but for me, it is a deceitful trait which I can never be convinced of. We all have encountered manipulators at one or the other times in our lives and sometimes even being aware of their intent, we could do nothing but to nod our heads in their agreement. 

Below are the signs of a person with the trait of 'Emotional Manipulation' :

  • They are usually the ones that love to blame others, give shame to them and make them sulk in the pain of guilt.

  • Use another person's emotions to the best of their abilities in order to feel superior.

  • They can even go to the level of overcomplimenting others so as to fulfil their desires.

  • They are intelligent enough to recognize your weaknesses and loopholes and target these in times they want you to behave their way.

  • They usually have a charming personality and often act hard to get.

  • If you don't act their way, they start ignoring you, argue and show their disagreement in an awful manner to the extent where you might start doubting yourself.

  • Very often, they throw burning touches of sarcasm on you as a sign of disagreement or display their sadistic side by pouring jokes at your expense.

  • They hold strong value for who they are and hence devalue what you do. In worst cases, have a Personality Disorder, where they tend to start with Emotional Blackmailing, which is their strongest weapon of all times.

  • They want a YES from your side to their every demand, they don't give you time to decide for the reciprocation and if you tend to reply it with a NO, they can't accept and start to yell.

  • Have self-interpretation of things and constantly try to mould things to look like a reflection of their own mindset.

  • Whenever you set boundaries or have your own firm decision which doesn't gel well with theirs, they start playing VICTIM CARD and make you count numerous concocted stories where they did so much for you and you did nothing for them. Can even go to the extent of cursing you for that matter.

  • Always ready with a ploy to play with your emotions and situations. Have a very strong conviction to make you fall for them but it is nothing but a facade.

  • And at times, when their tricks don't work, they try to negotiate with you but when world flips, they have their own set of excuses to give.

  • Highly self-obsessed beings and easily forget your contribution to the relationship and in their lives. They only remember the times when they were not served with the platter of their selfish needs.

It is like dealing with a child-like adult who never learnt boundaries and another person's space and right of saying a 'NO' and respect it. They are relentless, selfish and stony immature and thus you would always get a backlash from them whenever you try to go against them.
It becomes all the more intense when you are kind of a person who is insecure, co-dependent and have past wounds. In this case, you accept their cruelty and take it to yourself and thereby encourage them to continue being ruthless.

Their happiness lies in the condition in which the other person behaves in accordance to their needs and aspirations and since you being a person who always wants to keep people around you happy and content, willingly make their happiness your purpose and do whatever it takes to suffice them.

How to defy the person with 'Emotional Manipulation'?

  • Do not hesitate to say this person a 'NO' when required.

  • Do not bother to justify yourself with an explanation to your reaction when you already know that the person is constantly trying to manipulate you. If it is really required, just conclude it with the shortest one.

  • Stop giving so much importance to such a person in the name of saving the relationship as if manipulation is the foundation of the relationship, then it is always better to go with the flow and let chips fall where they may.

  • If they can't respect you for who you are as a person and constantly make you feel shameful and guilty by putting blames on you, just slam the doors in their faces and make them realise that your life is yours and not the way they plan it to be.

  • Since they use the layers of tactics on you of their manipulation, just beware of their reach and level and hence try to make yourself strong enough to combat their blames and guilt trips. Learn to deal with it in a better and matured way.

  • Respect yourself and know your self-worth, only then you can tackle these emotional manipulators.

  • Break the cocoon of insecurities and people-pleasing attitude, this would consequently discourage the manipulators to make use of your wounded selves.

  • Always try to be ethically and consciously sound in relation to your deeds so that if someone tries to put blame on you or gives you guilt trips, you are confident about yourself and don't fall prey to their spiteful intentions.

  • Never seek approvals from this kind of people and hold your emotions when they play with their ultimate sword of emotional blackmailing. Know that is just illusory and temporary tactic.

  • Try not to be an extrovert and expressive to this kind of people as they very well know to make use of your weaknesses. Don't give them a chance to hit you with an arrow of your loopholes.

For all those Emotional Manipulators out there, remember that everyone has mind and intellect to figure this out who is manipulating to whom and to what extent. Even if not in the beginning but with the course of time, one gets to know that he/she is being emotionally manipulated. It's just that we choose relationship and love over this 'being manipulated'. This, in no way, should be taken as a sign of being dumb or stupid. It is our way of giving you repetitive chances to redeem yourselves and get on track else it doesn't take a second to step out of any relation while it takes a lifetime to nurture and preserve the bonds of love and trust.


Tuesday, April 30, 2019

ACCEPTANCE.......'The Key To The Inner Peace.'

"As I get older, the more I stay focused on the ACCEPTANCE of myself and others, and choose compassion over judgement and curiosity over fear."
                                    -Tracee Ellis Ross.

Whenever we meet people, we meet with a certain type of aura which we possess and hence, there occurs an exchange of energies the moment we start to gel with each other. There is both the influence and effect of respective auras to each other and this is what lays the foundation of any relationship.

There is always an effect of one's vibrations to another in any relationship which we call as 'vibes'. And we can't control these and thus if you think ill about another person, the latter would consequently revert the negative vibes to you.

The type of thinking we process is the type of aura we ultimately possess.

In any relationship, if you hold unpleasant or nasty feelings for another, you can't share a good bond by faking it as the other person gets to feel that and there is always a sense of burden in such relation since the negative vibrations continue to exist amongst them.
It would not only affect the concerned relationship but also complicate your other relationships as well, as this is what you are carrying with you as a part of your aura. This is due to the fact that holding negative energies within you is just ruining your inner self and you will meet other people with such polluted being.

The only way we can bring this to rest and stop degrading our relations and ourselves is to ACCEPT the things for what these are and the people for who they are.

It is WE who are abusing our minds and nobody else because, in a relationship where we have lots of disagreements and resentment to another person, we constantly seek or urge the apology from them. And only because we don't accept the things and the other person, we continue to get hurt and frustrated by letting the power of hatred and aggression to override the pure essence, love and peace of the relationship.

According to me, nobody in any relationship should be judged for having their own set of deal-breakers and deal-makers. Rather this should be given its due respect.

After all, you can't retain one side of a person which you like and chunk out the other you don't. The same energy that creates the side of the person you love is also the one that creates the side that drives you crazy and demands your understanding.

Any person in a relationship is like a coin has two sides. And therefore, every streak of personality should be accepted and given its due space and respect. Both liked and unliked habits in a person are inextricably linked, we can't separate these in the person. 
When I as a person is full of imperfections then how can I expect another one to be perfectly in line with what I expect him to be.

Here I would also like to mention that I am not at all in favour of accepting the gross negative and universal ill traits which are unacceptable in any form and shape. I am only referring to accepting different people having different personality traits which may or may not correlate or correspond the way we want them to be.

We need not change ourselves to be accepted by others nor we should expect others to change entirely to fit into our needs, it is that we just have to rub off our sharper edges to acclimatize to different and everchanging situations of our lives and with people, we care and love by accepting these in a form they naturally are.

We need to accept them and situations, in order to deal with their respective idiosyncrasies as failure to do so, would cause conflicts and we may have to lose our loved ones in a way.

We need to accept that many disagreements and conflicts are perpetual and may even last our entire lives. In such a situation, the only thing to remember is the significance of the relationship over the mere conflict.

Also, there are times when even after investing so much of yourself and energy into a certain relationship, it no longer stays the way it meant to be, accept it. Do it for your own peace of mind as it is what keeps you going. You can't be stuck to such a situation where all is left with you is nothing but remnants of the bruised relationship.

ACCEPTANCE is not a sign of weakness or helplessness but a synonym for WISDOM. It not only makes a person corresponds to the unwelcoming circumstances but also gives the conviction that if it is what meant to be, here I am to face it and henceforth, even if I can't change things, at least try to control the aftermath consequences which would be worse, by putting myself into more pain and anxiety.

NON-ACCEPTANCE of things and situations leads to unnecessary contemplations and over pondering that sequentially leads to mental exhaustion and trauma. If we despair over situations and people, this feeling is alone sufficient to work like a magnet attracting even worse outcomes and therefore repelling better things which we could have fetched if we weren't on our non-acceptance and repent mode.

Acceptance is all about growth. So Guys!
Choose acceptance and hence THE GROWTH.

As I conclude,

"The greatest gift you can give to others is the gift of unconditional love and ACCEPTANCE."
                                                                   -Brian Tracy.