ThE_PhOEniX_sOuL

Be fearless in pursuit of what sets your soul on fire

Tuesday, June 25, 2019

Just Little Things..........

Just Little Things..........

  • People continue considering themselves smart enough by portraying a concocted story or a facade to me and I just listen and observe as to what level they would stoop down next to.

  • Sometimes it is damn crazy to make others believe that I am getting manipulated by them when I am actually not. That feeling though is unparalleled.

  • As there is always a second option to every situation, according to me, so even if things are not tuning in to your frequency, change the plan but not your aim as there are yet many roads converging down to the same destination. So take the necessary turn and follow a different route to your success.

  • In today's world, when there is no honesty left in people's hearts how can you expect loyalty in their relationships.

  • It is always better and wise to get apart from people who always find faults in you. You ought not to waste your energy and time proving your credibilities to those who are incredibly self-obsessed.

  • Waiting and having the patience for something to be achieved is way better than getting stuck with the wrong choice throughout your life. So it is always wise to stay with your perseverance and don't be in a hurry for anything.

  • There is the slightest difference between 'things you get' and 'things you achieve'. And only a self-made person knows this difference and live by it to the core.

  • Just as you hate it to be judged by anyone, don't even spare yourself with the same when you do it with others.

  • Good health is a result of good mind and good mind resides in a peaceful heart and soul. So do whatever it takes to fetch yourself peace of mind. Sometimes it is better to be a bit selfish than being ill or sick. So invest a lot in whatever gives you love, laughter and life.

  • Stop bothering about the rumours or even something concrete being said against you. As long as you are ethically and consciously sound, You don't owe any explanation to anyone out there. Remember that rumours are created by ones who are jealous of you, carried by haters, spread by fools and accepted by idiots.

  • As it is so tiring and troublesome to carry so much luggage while travelling, similarly, in the journey of life, try to get rid off as much baggage of hatred, rage, resentments, guilt, regrets, and all negativities so as to enjoy this journey and live smoothly and stress-free.  

  • You may forget who did wrong to you but should never forget who did good as in today's world, you would be damn lucky if people around you are doing good for you. So always be grateful to such people and cherish their presence in your life.

  • Believe in forgiving people for your own peace of mind. But never give them a chance to think for a second that you are being easily made fool of. If their actions don't justify their apology, make them taste their own medicine. Since I believe that it is very polluting and degrading oneself to keep grudges, so it is always good to follow tit for tat for those who don't deserve your kindness. Never allow anyone to make a mockery out of your loyalty, honesty, love, credibility and most important of all your integrity.

  • Love freely and unconditionally but always set and maintain boundaries as every relationship, according to me, has some sort of distance which we term as 'private space'. One should always protect and nurture the same where one can grow, expand, and improve for better today and tomorrow.

  • Optimism does help guys. So be positive not only for yourself but also for people around you so that even they can be alleviated out of pessimism and scepticism.

  • There is only God who should be the sole witness for your kindness to people around you as for people, they would never appreciate or get satisfied even if you get ripped apart in order to prove them so just don't bother even.

  • There is a cure for 'wounds on the tongue' but it is not the same for 'wounds from the tongue'. So use it judiciously and wisely.

  • Never underestimate small things in your life as these have the potential to bring the biggest storm in life. So vent it out as and when required and don't let things to pile on or get accumulated. 

XOXO.
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Thursday, June 20, 2019

CODEPENDENCY ISSUES

CODEPENDENCY ISSUES

Have you ever noticed how birds feed their squeaky, innocent and cute looking chicks through their beaks and make every possible effort to protect and nurture them? Make them understand the significance of the wings and the importance of flying in one's life. While teaching the nestling how to fly and be able to fight their own battles, the mother bird never expects it to be dependent on her and soon turn it to a fledging which is now ready to take flight. And after that, it never comes back and hereby the cycle of codependency breaks between the chick and its mother bird.

 But what about we homo sapiens, we always try to make the cycle of healthy codependency and make sure that it continues till eternity. But if it turns out to an unhealthy one then this tendency soon gets matured along the journey and takes the shape of insecurities, low self-esteem, poor self-confidence and indecisiveness where the person unconsciously start seeking approvals, validations, love and conformity to their actions. 

 Such a nestling that would be entrapped in the codependency to its mother would never be able to turn to a fledging and start flying.
Similarly, as humans, if we continue being codependents, we would defy and hinder the progress which is supposed to be our aim of life.

 Codependency should never be considered synonymous to love, affection and attachment. It is a trait you acquire as you grow, where your prime focus is to give love, attention, respect and concern to others while underestimating and undervaluing your own selves and that too very undemandingly. And the result is that such people are misunderstood as clingy, emotionally weak and needy.

WHAT CAUSES CODEPENDENCY?


Well, according to me, the main factor that causes codependency is the way the person is brought up and the environment he/she has been into or a part of. Both, the negligence as well as the overpampering for the child is a stepping stone towards making him a codependent. Let me tell you how!

- THE NEGLIGENCE: If a child has been into such an environment in his growing years where he has been neglected by his parents, intentionally or unintentionally or perceived, and he had to constantly seek their approvals and love, then this eventually becomes the trait of the child to continue being like this with people around him even when he grows up.

- THE OVERPAMPERING: If a child is overpampered during his childhood then either the person becomes too stubborn and adamant or he becomes a codependent because then he would want the same treatment from the people around him as he used to get from his parents in the childhood. And for this, he consequently becomes a codependent who seeks love and conformity from others so as to feel loved and wanted.

In either case, the child acquires the sense of insecurities and shaken self-confidence when he grows up and faces the outer world beyond his family. And then he makes codependency a tool for his existence and sustenance.

If a codependent doesn't fall into either of above-mentioned category, then probably he fits into a lot of people-pleasers or manipulators who portray himself to be a codependent but actually it is just a facade to get his work done slyly.


HOW TO OVERCOME CODEPENDENCY ISSUES?


  • Understand your needs and desires first and let your fears and anxieties be pushed away beyond your limitations. This is how you can be perseverant in getting rid of codependency.

  • Be with a company of people who don't need your codependency for them to be able to uplift and encourage you.

  • If in doubt, share your feelings and experiences with people who have succeeded in breaking the cycle of codependency and get inspired to learn from their methods.

  • It may seem to be a very difficult, demanding and daunting task which would perhaps render you with guilt, shame, anxiety, fear of isolation, aggression, self-doubt but you have to be determined enough to quit this codependency as soon as possible to be able to progress in life.

  • You may face criticism or condemnation but you should alone be able to self-soothe yourself. So don't give up.

  • Soon you would be able to sift the wheat from the chaff i.e. you would now be able to recognize who is real and wants to stay in your life (don't let them leave) and who would abandon you as you break the cycle of codependency (let them go).

  • You may have to encounter apparent loss of your so-called friendships and relationships but don't lose your confidence. You would realise how slowly and steadily you would get adapted and acclimatised to altered situations.

  • You would acquire healthy personal and emotional abilities as you realize that a true relationship is mutual and not one-sided.

You would definitely notice the difference in adopting such measures into your life, not only for your progress in life but becoming a better person altogether. You would start believing in mutual growth of two persons involved in a relationship while taking care of your own needs and feelings as well.

And finally, you would break the barriers of codependency issues and nurture mutual love, respect, care and growth and strengthen the bonds of interdependence over codependence.
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Thursday, June 6, 2019

Significance of CONFRONTATIONS

Significance of CONFRONTATIONS

There are many times in our life when we have so many things to say, to share, to let another person know about it and so on. But we choose to stay numb about it and wouldn't confront it out of fear of hurting the latter, being misunderstood by others or perhaps losing ones we care about in worst scenario. Whatever might be the reason but it is a bitter truth of our lives that we do fear to some extent in making CONFRONTATIONS.  

 As we prefer in being quiet about things and don't confront, the outcome is a state of mind where we feel irritated, frustrated, guilty, emotionally fragile and tonnes of emotions get stripped apart in our minds pertaining to the false assumptions in regard to another person's reaction to our confrontation.

 You not only fear in verbally communicating what is going inside you but also bar yourself in confronting what you actually feel about the situation or the person for that matter. Usually, get anxious or nervous and stressed out whenever you have to confide or confront anything. You don't want people to think ill of you or hurt anyone. You choose not to confront so that you shouldn't be labelled as someone who is too pushy. By this way, you kind of continue being submissive, introvert and one who conceals his feelings from others.

 Often times it also happens that person whom you want to confront things to might be waiting for you to make the first move so then he gets that ground to start with his side of confrontations for which perhaps he was hesitant too. In such a case, it becomes a complicated relationship where there are layers of accumulated emotions striving to vent out but no release whatsoever.

WHAT EXACTLY CAUSES LACK OF CONFRONTATION ??


  • It generally happens when a person had a past experience where he might have tried confronting and the outcome would have been unpleasant or disagreeable. Things would have blown out of proportion or might turn out to be a mud-slinging.

  • It is also not so uncommon where the person had encountered situations in his life or childhood environment when somebody else's confrontations made things worse and turned out to a conflict amongst family members. So this person now chooses to be rather quiet about things in order to be in his illusory peace.

  • It is generally borne out of lower self-esteem and poor self-confidence which inculcates the fear of being alone or abandoned by others on making confrontations. Such a person never wants any sort of disagreement or disappointment from others.

  • This person is altogether unaware of the importance of confrontations which generally give rise to healthy discussions. He feels that confronting things to others would only fetch him with arguments, clashes and fights.

  • You don't care about yourself and keep others over what you feel and desire. This attitude is either a result of selflessness (which is too rare nowadays) or you are amongst the lot of people-pleasers.

IT GENERALLY RESULTS IN:


  • When you choose not to confront, you are just harming yourself as you are suppressing what you naturally feel and eventually become a person who carries an abundance of confusions, chaos, commotions and resentments.

  • Suppressing your natural self over a period of time would ultimately manifest as other worst faces of aggression, irritability, anxiety, frustrations, poorer self-confidence, marred self-esteem and in worst cases depression.

  • Your self-doubts increase and you become all the more sluggish to confront things which consequently hamper your personality and self-growth.

  • You might choose not to confront in order to not make others upset but in reality, such a person is unattractive and considered weak by others as latter find him subservient.

HOW TO RISE ABOVE THE FEAR OF CONFRONTATION ??


  • As I always say and practice is the Self-Love. Take care of yourself by venting out things that bother you and confront those who are concerned with it. Be upfront, confident and extrovert. Feel good about you and the way you are. Confront fearlessly.

  • Explicit confrontations not only de-pressurises you but also helps in knowing the true self of the person involved as one with pure intent, the maturity of mind and having a true bond with you would always understand and support you. You don't have to be articulated to do confrontations. You just have to be assertive and don't sound rude or harsh.

  • Be courageous in taking a stand for yourself as a person who has the gumption to sift just from unjust is always respected by others no matter whether others show it or not.

  • Even though it might sometimes appear arrogance and "I don't care" attitude to others but a person who strongly puts forth his point is always considered attractive and bold.

  • It does create good vibes and healthy energy by being free of assumptions, grudges, resentments and suffocation by means of healthy confrontations. It is thus one of the basic foundations of the strong relationship of any kind.

  • It not only builds a happy and healthy relationship but also helps in becoming an improved version of oneself.

  • Whatever would be the reaction of the other person to your confrontation, trust me, you would feel so alluring and elevated at the end of the day as you have confronted something which at the beginning seemed difficult and daunting task to execute.

 Remember, confrontations hold a very strong significance in your lives for any sort of relationship and it does have a much positive impact as well. It leads to a breakthrough in any true and pure bond. It not only transforms the relationship by making it all the more stronger and better but also you as a person. It makes you feel contended and succeeded as you did it by confronting how and what you have felt for the things or for the person in general. You eventually feel strong and happy.

 So guys just don't wait for situations or people around you to be the way you wanted them to be for making healthy confrontations. Just go ahead and do it for nothing but your peace of mind.

 GOOD LUCK !!
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Tuesday, May 21, 2019

SELF LOVE - ABC of the love with one's self.

SELF LOVE - ABC of the love with one's self.

"Loving oneself isn't vanity. It's sanity."
                                                                  - Andre Gide.

 All you wonderful people out there reading this post have definitely time and again read and heard about the term 'SELF-LOVE'. 
Many of you are already in the path of practising it while a lot of you still wonders what if it appears to others as a gesture of self-obsession?

 Well, self-love is way more different than self-obsession as a person with self-love has an immense love and respect for oneself the way there are and will become in coming times. Such a person's love for himself is irrespective of what others think and it is a much deeper connection to oneself wheres self-obsession is superfluous and concerned to the outward appearance of oneself and is much to do with the person's image in the eyes of others. Self-love can never harm others intentionally in a process but self-obsession has an intent of selfishness which could be dangerous to others at some time.
Below is an ABC of what I call THE SELF-LOVE.

  • Accept the fact that no one is perfect, so ain't you and hence love the way you are without trying to be harsh on yourself in a process of achieving perfection.

  • Be upfront and outspoken for things you believe in. Be courageous enough to speak the truth without worrying about your image in others' eyes.

  • Compliment yourself often with every bit of trait you behold within you, whether good, bad, sexy, ugly etc, etc. so that you don't feel a need for others to do so.

  • Do whatever you feel like provided it should fit into ethical and right domains. Do not fear to be different and out of the box.

  • Engage yourself in physical exercises, yoga, or any other recreational activities not to achieve a sleek and slender body but to attain a healthy being.

  • Find the place where you feel happy, comfortable and at best with your own self. A place where you are not stressed out and is at peace with yourself as well as your surroundings.

  • Get a life for yourself by coming out of the shadows of your dark past, learning from it, enjoy every bit of your present and welcome the future with open arms full of fortunes and prosperity.

  • Have a spiritual outlook towards different aspects of life as well. Meditate and try to keep yourself calm at times when needed.

  • Initiate the magic of forgiveness in your lives. It is not for others who hurt you but is a tool for happiness for your self.

  • Just stop judging yourself for the things you do, the way you feel, the way you look or the way in which you handle your life. Being judgemental for yourself is as bad as for others.

  • Keep the desire to learn and grow alive in your self. Remember you are never that wise to not learn new things in life and never that old to defy growth.

  • Listen to your guts and believe the power of intuition. Trust me it always helps in the required times.

  • Maintain boundaries in your life. It is very important for you to set and maintain these as it is observed that people who follow these prevent being taken granted or disrespected by others.

  • Never compare your self with others. Everyone has his own life path and experiences. When God himself created different beings, how can two people share the same sort of success, failure, joys, grief, gains, losses, etc?

  • Optimize your strengths, work on them and make them the basis of leading an optimistic life.

  • Pamper yourself whenever you feel taken aback or stressed out. Go for movies, shopping, spa or opt for any other ways to rejuvenate your inner self.

  • Quintessential style, grace, class and elegance should be the way you feel yourself and hence carry yourself with. And it not always has to do with the monetary aspect. It is the way you see yourself in your eyes.

  • Responsibility of your happiness is utterly in your hand. Start taking it for your own good and stop relying on others for the same.

  • Start spending time alone with your self. You will surely begin to love yourself the moment you find your company the best to hang out with. It is not only great for self-love but also makes you assess and evaluate your self and improvise where is required.

  • Try to 'let go' things which are involuntary and not in our hands. Some things are better to be forgotten or left onto time than to scratch your heads over these.

  • Understand what your heart wants. Practice the art of self- awareness, only then you would start loving your self. It is irrelevant and almost impractical to try attaining self-love without self-awareness and self-realisation.

  • Virtuously lead your life and learn to figure out what are the different things you should include in your life which would work best for you and fetch you good results in the long run.

  • Work towards your goals passionately and with all your efforts as hard work with sincerity never goes in vain.

  • Xenial attitude towards one's body. Always feel confident in your skin. Also, work hard to achieve the kind of body you expect from yourself but never demean or disgrace it just because you are not a zero figure chic.

  • Yearning for always be righteous and correct is really being hypothetical. It is okay to commit mistakes. Learn from it and move on.

  • Zero down the negativity both inside as well as outside of yourself. Surround yourself with a good community of people who not only bring positivity but also encourage you to be a better person.
Self-love is not a magic that happens overnight, it is an art which needs constant practice. And it can only be achieved when you try to incorporate the above-said in your life a bit by bit and a day by day. Try to focus on your life and know your worth as Self-worth is penultimate to self-love.
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Wednesday, May 15, 2019

Take CHARGE of Your MIND

Take CHARGE of Your MIND

"The ability to observe without evaluating is the highest form of intelligence."
                       - J.Krishnamurti

 Accept it or not but we all, to a certain extent, have the fear of being judged by others. And this fear, in most of the cases, is directly proportional to our ages. This means that as we grow and lead our lives, the fear of being judged grows with us too.

 Let me elaborate with an interesting example.
When a baby is born, he fears nothing. And that is why we need to constantly give attention to what he is up to and to where is he crawling. This is because he doesn't know what fear is. Hence, babies are the most carefree, cheerful, fun-loving and peaceful souls. This is, therefore, the main reason why we look at them in envy and say, "Childhood is the Best" as it is free from any kind of fear and above all the fear of being judged by others.

 Remember fear, along with many other traits, is something which we acquire as we grow. And so does this fear of being judged, is the acquired one as well borne out of our insecurities, vulnerabilities, rejections, unpleasant experiences, societal pressures, so on and so forth.

 We always want and cherish the 4A's i.e. Attention, Acknowledgement, Acceptance, and Appreciation from people around us. We just strive to execute perfect things at the perfect place at the perfect time so that we achieve what is above said.
But have you ever given a thought by Whom?
These are the same people who judge you. Who feels sufficed on you being judged wrongly every time so that they could feel superior. These are the people who never miss a chance to demean you or let you down so that they can get an upper hand on the situations. No matter how hard you tried to be good to them or made them happy, they continue to be judging you for every worst possible reason.

 Generally, it is observed that whenever someone judges you, you take it on yourselves and consequently dive into a situation where you feel a constant sense of shame and guilt especially when it comes from people you considered your near and dear ones. You start figuring out what went wrong and ways to redeem yourselves.

 This is the time when you should take charge of your mind and understand that there are many relationships or acquaintanceship which are surface-levelled i.e. you cannot make deep connections with everyone. In such a scenario, if anybody is making any sort of judgement about you, holds no significance as they are unaware of your inner self, vulnerabilities and the type of person you are. Thus, any judgement from such people should not bother you at all.

 And if it is coming from a person close to you who is familiar with your true self and probably knows you in a better way, then it is a blessing in disguise for you to use that opportunity and improve yourself where it is needed. Here too, you need to know the cause and outcome of the existing behaviour of yours which led your close ones to point out you for and pass their judgement.

 Many times people judge you with the purpose of criticism which gives them ultimate pleasure. Recognizing such people in your lives is very important as you would never wish to get the 4 A's by such people. You ought not to feel bad on them demeaning you rather, have pity on such a mindset where the only way they derive contentment and happiness is by sadistic nature of disgracing you.

 Remember people's behaviour and actions are inward perceptions of who they actually are and how they see the world they live in. It is solely an insight into how they structure and shape their way of living. Hence, nothing is meant to be given consideration when such people pass judgement on you as it is baseless, non-factual and reflection of their personalities.

 Know your self-worth and remember as long as you are ethically good, unbiased, practical and true to your body of work and to people around you, fear of being judged should not stop you achieving your goals and the type of life you have always dreamt of.

 Also, it holds vice-versa for you as well. Many a time, you pass judgements on others just by default or in a casual approach. You don't realise in which conditions another person has taken the respective decision. You shouldn't be in a hurry to be conclusive of situations you weren't part of and throw your judgements as well.
As I have observed people are always willing to share their true self only to those who try to understand them by being purely non-judgemental. So be the one for:

 "Judgements prevent us from seeing the good that lies beyond appearances."
                        - Dyer



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Saturday, May 11, 2019

BEING EMPATHETIC------- A Curse or A Blessing?

BEING EMPATHETIC------- A Curse or A Blessing?

"If you see someone without a smile, give them one of yours."
                                                                            - Dolly Parton

 Ever since I remember, I have been a true EMPATH throughout my life. Not only an empath but the one with a highly sensitive nature.
However, I have started realising the regrettable outcomes of it lately and hereby just thought why not pour my heart out to let you guys even know about how it feels being an empath and deal with people around you.

 Empath- very naturally get in tune with how others feel and hence, is able to experience people's energy at a very deep level.
Gets drained out very easily in situations which are unpleasant and nasty while becomes overwhelmed and highly emotional in ones which are joyous or sensitive in nature.

 He is able to feel akin to what others feel and is loyal, loving and optimistic with respect to considering the others are right and just too and thus, everyone around them deserves good.

 While these are amazing qualities to have but the downfall with this kind of person is that he considers everyone around like him which turns out to be a false-faith fo them. Thereby making them the prime targets for being taken granted of as well as abuse (physical, mental, emotional, ethical, financial,etc.).

 Just because an empath feels so deeply with all love, compassion and concern, he often overlooks the dark sides of people around him probably by finding out one or the other reason behind their actions and falls back to them with equal intensity of love and compassion. Meanwhile, people have their own set of excuses to give to him which he eventually gets convinced of and this marks the beginning of the never-ending cycle of use and abuse. And his caregiving and loving nature become the reason for his resentment and grief.

 An empath is easily recognizable by narcissists and the latter considers the former a weak and co-dependent but they forget that it takes a huge amount of strength in being an empathetically driven person in the world full of narcissists.
Being a natural giver as well as a forgiver in a relationship, an empath is usually taken for granted as he is not the one to give up on relationships easily and this is how the cycle of use and abuse continues till the time either the empath calls off the relation or another person discontinues his unethical and mean ways of leading the relation. Until this point, the empath becomes so mentally exhausted or traumatized by again and again going through the same stuff where the other person first makes use of him and later gives him the false hope, love and faith of being nice and just to them. It is an effortless moulding of the empath by such person due to the loyal nature of the former.

 Empath leads a life of confusion where his mind is able to evaluate the malicious ways of narcissists around him but his heart still holds love, compassion and loyalty for them. Despite being aware of the malevolent intentions of others, the empath continues to be supportive, helpful and loyal to them which altogether backfires his integrity and that is something very distressing and awful to experience.
Simple ways by which an EMPATH can protect their souls from being quashed:
  • Be empathetic but keep that in check.

  • Self-love is prime.

  • Let another person earn empathy. Dole it out sagaciously onto others. Never show to them who don't value it.

  • Being empathetic doesn't indicate only giving. Keep your selflessness in control and shower it only where it is actually needed.

  • Learn to make boundaries and set limitations to your natural care-giving attitude. Understand each and every individual is different and not how and what you perceive.

  • Don't exhibit your vulnerable side to ones who don't deserve to be that close to you. Prevent them from making use of the same.

  • Be vigilant enough to understand and recognize such people to whom you consider sweet and lovable who, in reality, are parasites feeding on your compassion.

  • Don't get flattered to the sugar-coated conduct. Never compromise with your dignity and integrity. Take stand as and when required.

  • Cherish meaningful relations and friendships. Never overlook or ignore the demon of selfishness in others.

  • Stop being bullied in the name of empathy. Do not hesitate to be alone with dignity at the cost of losing narcissists from your life because having the companionship of such people is worse than being alone.

As I draw to an end of this post, I would not be ashamed of admitting it that BEING EMPATHETIC IS A BLESSING.
And I AM PROUD TO BE ONE for I am being one but without the sense of co-dependency.
I am a healthy empath who knows boundaries and very well aware of each person's space in my life which I constantly value, respect, nurture and cherish. I know when to withdraw myself from any bitter space and stand out for my dignity even if it is standing alone for that matter.

And my urge to everyone like me is no less than that.
Be a healthy empath and love yourself first because, in today's world, you need to show others your worth as everyone is in a rate race of making him superior over others. 

BE A LOTUS IN YOUR LIFE AS THEY SAY:

"THE UGLIER THE MUCK IT GROWS IN, THE BEAUTIFUL THE FLOWER IS."











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Wednesday, May 8, 2019

EXPECTATIONS

EXPECTATIONS

For humans, the basis of our any relationship is nothing but the EXPECTATIONS. 
What kind of husband you expect?
What kind of wife you expect?
What is expected out of your kids? so on and so forth.

 And we too, intentionally or unintentionally are able to love only those who fulfil or nearly fulfil our expectations. (For true or unconditional love is too rare as it does not have any space for EXPECTATIONS).

 Practically, in today's world, there would hardly be any being who has achieved a ZERO-STATE OF EXPECTATIONS.

 However, expectations are destined to be shattered or broken as these are what we give rise to. These are pure reflections of our longings and needs which take birth in conscious or subconscious levels of our minds. Then, this is being reflexively imposed on another person in any relationship. And since the other person is not GOD or a saint to be able to recognize these, the majority of times, the end result is unfulfillment of expectations and hence frustrations.

 One more reality of expectations is that no matter how much another person tries to live up to these, he won't be able to do it completely because expectations are immortal.
These can change their shape and form, be reduced in the intensity and frequency but the amplitude of expectations is everlasting.

 I have heard people preaching the lessons of "Do not expect anything in a relationship". Really! I mean how in this world for a normal human being, is this statement valid? 
There are expectations in any sort of relationship. According to me, no matter how hard we try, we tend to expect or rather we should expect because having expectations and fulfilling each other's expectations is one of the binding forces of any relationship.

 The problem does not lie in having expectations from someone in a relationship, rather it is an unacceptance of the situation where the other is not able to fulfil it as it is something beyond his capacity or nature. It is when we become the slave of expectations and are unwilling to accepting the way the other person is. Hence we should understand that the universe not gonna change for us we need to adapt to it for our peace of mind.
We all are so different having the varied mindset and different streaks of nature and personality. Sometimes we are good to go along with each other and other times we do face conflicts and clashes. We always want another person to be able to understand and fulfil what is being expected out of him and when this falls short, the frustrations arise. And when a series of these events happen, we feel hurt and remorseful and in worst cases, call off the relationship.

 Unfulfilled expectations give rise to STRUGGLE.

 The relationship which once based on love and expectations now lies on the foundation of struggle.

 The struggle of being with a person who doesn't live up to our expectations

 The struggle of living with poles apart of mindset and ideology.

 The struggle of forced and conditioned attachments.

 And then, we tend to maintain distance with such a person by forgetting or overlooking the other dimensions of his/her personality.
The only way out is: Do not make EXPECTATIONS (or fulfilment of it) a basis of your relationship ever.

 Do not fear the expectations, have it fearlessly in a relationship but never make it the only basis of nurturing your relationship with. Do not make the fulfilment of expectations the only criterion of a healthy relationship.

  Also, do not be harsh on yourself by constantly seeking a hypothetical space or situation of a ZERO-STATE OF EXPECTATIONS as I would be impractical to advocate that.
Understand that trying to achieve this state, is an altogether unrealistic expectation of its own kind.

 Remember, seawater is not expected to quench the thirst yet it is important to behold numerous species and is home to a million precious elements, corals, pearls, etc.
And as the polluted water can't be put to any use but it can still be used to extinguish a fire, similarly, every relationship in our lives holds significance.

 Thus, only because of the other person's inability to suffice your expectations, in no way makes him unworthy to various other better things he is capable of.

 I am sure if we ask others, there might be many instances where we couldn't have lived up to their expectations, yet they love us and respect us for how we have been with them in a journey called LIFE.

 SO BE A BETTER PERSON AND RISE (ALSO LET OTHERS RISE) ABOVE ALL EXPECTATIONS.

 XOXO!
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